Reflections on Mother’s Day
It’s a bit late to be thinking about Mother’s Day, but really it’s been several months that I’ve had mother(s) on my mind. Whether it’s in appreciation for my mom Sunday, or appreciating the new mother in my life that I will be meeting soon, it’s been more than just a day for me.
I’ve clung dearly to the notion that I would find my birth mother someday, and as hard as it would be, I would accept any lumps that came with it. But as I get closer and closer to meeting her I’m starting to get cold feet. And not so severely that I would ever consider backing out, but the closer I get to June 18th, the more I can see it in my mind. And, the more I imagine it the harder it is to think about in a way. The image in my head of me walking into the room to see my birth mother for the first time seems to get clearer and clearer every day. Maybe it’s been easier since I have a photo of her, so I feel as though I know what to expect (relatively speaking).
With all this comes a lot of mixed emotions every day. Sometimes I can put my finger on it, and sometimes it’s far more acute. I remember in Deann Borshay Liem’s “First Person Plural” she said that perhaps if she could see her mother and birth mother in a room together that she would have space for them in her mind and heart so to speak. In some ways I agree, but in other ways I do not. For me, both mothers exist in separate planes for me. So in a way they exist in different universes (of my life). I don’t necessarily feel that they HAVE to meet to connect those separate universes for me I guess. And that’s not to say they can’t meet, I think that someday they will meet.
There isn’t really a conclusion to this post, mostly because there isn’t really a conclusion to my story. I guess I’ll leave you with a few photos of a mother’s day greeting card I noticed the other day at the store while picking one out for my mom. Over the card it said “suitable for adoption,” and it made me wonder how adoptive families’ relationships to one another are portrayed to society. Is there really a different way you’re supposed to tell your adoptive mother how you feel on mother’s day just because you aren’t related by blood?